Walk of Shame Read online

  Her scorching green eyes meet my amber ones and I feel my heart drop to my stomach. There is nothing left in her look but hatred and pain, and it hurts even more knowing where it came from. I did this to her and I’ve been doing it for the last six years.

  “It doesn’t matter, Hemy,” she mutters. “You don’t think I know you didn’t sleep with that tramp? I know it . . . but the question is how much did she enjoy getting off on you while you were drunk, high, and passed out? How do you expect me to feel about all of this, huh? The thought of her touching you makes me want to puke. Her hands groping your body, touching your hair; being places mine should be. I can’t do it anymore, I can’t continue to stay in the shadows, tormenting myself mentally over you. I just can’t.”

  I swallow and place my hand on her chin, stepping closer to her. I see her eyes dart down to my lips before she pulls her face away and takes a step back. “Don’t,” she whispers. “Just. Don’t. Please, let me go.”

  It hurts having her push me away. Not being able to touch my woman is the worst pain ever, but I don’t blame her. “I have no excuse. I’m a mess. I know that. I’m trying to get by the only way I know how, which is to forget sometimes.”

  “Well, I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t deal with it. I gave it everything I had, and now there is nothing left to give. Every day that I’m with you I die a little more inside; lose a little more hope. I understand that you had a messed up childhood. I understand that your shitty parents left you. You were a young child, alone, and scared out in the world; I get that, and I can’t tell you that your sister is still out there, or that she is even still alive. I can’t take that all back, but what I can do is show you that love exists, that I’m always here for you. I have tried. I really have, but I can only take so much, Hemy. I understand your reasoning behind your behavior, but at the end of the day . . . I should be your only.” Her voice is broken and it kills me.

  She breaks down in tears while moving further away from me as if being close hurts too much. I have the urge to run my hands though her strawberry curls and hold her close, but I don’t. I can’t. I don’t deserve to. “You’re a lost cause, Hemy. I can’t force you to change. You can’t and won’t. I’m only eighteen, dammit . . . and you’re only nineteen. This is all too much to handle. We’re too young for this shit. Can’t you see that?”

  “I can change. I just need time. My head is not in a good place and I’m not strong enough to move on just yet. Do you know how hard it is to wake up every morning with these memories?” I point to my head, my hand shaking. “The places I have been. The people I have seen. The things I saw my parents do to Sage. It’s a gaping wound on my brain. Now I don’t even know where the hell she is! She was only nine at the time. I was supposed to protect her. I’m trying my best here, okay?”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I tried to help you. I tried, but I can’t continue to immerse myself into this filth and heartache. You may not have touched her this time, but what about next time? What extent will you go to in order to get your way of forgetting, huh? I have to get out of here before I lose myself.” Her eyes meet mine and her bottom lip quivers. “I’ve already lost you, because you were never fully there to begin with. I have known you for six years; for six years, Hemy, and you have only gotten worse. Don’t turn into your parents. Don’t let them win.”

  I turn away from her, no longer able to look at the disappointment in her eyes. It hurts too damn much. “Can you just give me one more chance? I promise I would never hurt you on purpose. The things you’ve seen in the past were beyond my control. I may have flirted a little when I was high out of my mind, but I have never taken another woman to bed.”

  “From what you know of, Hemy,” she bites out in a clipped tone. “We don’t know that for sure and I’m not sticking around to find out. I have to go. I need to go. You’ve hurt me too many times and I feel as if I can’t breathe anymore. It. Hurts. So. Much.”

  She turns around and heads for the door, but then stops. “I just have one question. Have you ever loved me?”

  Her words linger in the air as I try to force myself to speak. I want to say yes, but the truth is, I’m not sure I know what love truly is. “Onyx, I-”

  “No. No. No. I don’t want to hear any excuses. I get it.” She grips the doorframe, but doesn’t turn to face me. “Tell me you love me, Hemy. Give me some kind of hope, because I’ve lost it all.”

  My heart speeds up and it becomes hard to breathe. I’m not worth it and we both know it. She said it earlier when she said I was a lost cause. “I’m sorry,” is all I can manage to get out. Someone of my caliber doesn’t know how to love. It isn’t in my genetic makeup. As bad as I want to keep her here, she deserves so much better. But I’m selfish when it comes to her.

  Without turning back she lets out a soft cry and covers her mouth. “Don’t bother contacting me, Hemy. I’m moving away from Chicago and I have already changed my number. There’s nothing more to be said between the two of us.”

  “Don’t say that,” I whisper. “I can’t fucking lose you too.”

  “It’s too late. You already have.” She bends down and reaches for one of her bags, and that’s when I notice her brother outside tossing her bags into his trunk. “My family has already been instructed not to tell you where I’m going. You won’t be able to change their minds, so don’t try. Goodbye, Hemy. It was fun while it lasted, right?” She laughs sardonically. “Have a nice life.”

  I fall against the back wall while letting her harsh words sink in. My hands reach up to cover my face and my heart feels as if it’s been ripped from my chest; I’m no longer breathing.

  The longer I stand here without her the more it hurts; the more I feel like dying. What the hell am I doing?

  “No, wait!” I run to the door and open it, but I’m too late. She’s already gone. I quickly search for my phone, but of course I am so damn stupid that I must have lost it last night.

  I turn around and reach for the closest thing to me, slamming it down next to my feet before punching a hole through the wall. What’s a few more breaks or scratches going to hurt? Maybe the physical pain in my hands will take away from the pain that is now throbbing in my chest. Trying to catch my breath, I fall against the wall behind me and drag my back down it until I’m on the floor burying my hands in the thickness of my hair.

  So this is what love truly feels like . . . and losing it hurts like a bitch.

  Four years later . . .

  THE AIR AROUND ME SMELLS of booze, sex, and drugs, my usual Saturday night scene. At one point I lived for these wild nights that consist of bodies upon bodies of people just looking to let loose, get fucked up, and fucked hard without the harsh judgments of society. It became my life; my very reason to breathe . . . until it fucked my life up. Then it became my ruin.

  I’m leaning against the wall, casually chillin’ in the shadows while slamming back a bottle of Whiskey. Lurking in the darkness is the person I’ve become. I’ve been at it for the last hour. This party is piled high with willing pussy and roaming hands, yet I’ve let my thoughts pull me under and drown me in my own fucked up world of mistakes and regret. Tonight, I may need a bit of a challenge to get me off. I’m going to need it rough, deep and fast.

  While slamming back another drink of Whiskey my eyes stray over to a petite brunette; Nico’s new girl. I met Nico a few years ago at one of these parties while I was high out of my mind. We partied together and we slowly became friends. I like him because he’s just as fucked up and twisted as I am.

  Nico’s girl is slowly swaying her hips to a seductive song while rubbing her ass all over his dick. Her eyes are glued to me, eyeing me up and down like a siren luring her next victim. Fucking perfect. I like the seductress types, because they usually like the rough and rowdy sex that I require. The more she dances the more erotic her moves become. She’s working it well, because I feel my feet moving in her direction, not thinking of anything but giving her what she wants. It’s a n
ice distraction.

  Nico’s lost in his own little world, grinding himself on her backside, but he stops to tilt back a drink of beer and takes notice of me approaching. He watches me with satisfaction; his eyes say it all. A cocky smirk takes over his lips as he gives me a head nod and steps aside. He knows exactly what’s coming, and he welcomes it. “Hey, man.” He gives me a fist pound before practically pushing his woman into my arms. “Take care of Peyton for me. I know you’ll treat her right, man.” Most men don’t want to share once they’ve claimed a pussy, but Nico thrives on it. I told you he is just as fucked up as I am.

  I grab his girl by the hip and pull her flush against my body. Grinding my hips in rhythm of the music, I press her against the wall and brush my tongue over her lips, causing her to moan out and wrap her arms around me. Our bodies press into each other’s as I lean in to whisper in her ear. “You’ve been watching me all night.” I press my body a little closer to hers and tug her hair a little. “Are you sure you can handle me once you get me? I’m not so sure Nico has told you about me. I don’t fuck like a boy I fuck like a man. I like it wild, wet, rough, and rowdy. If you want a lover this is your chance to back out. ”

  She sucks in her bottom lip before turning to Nico who is now standing right next to us with a smile on his face. “So this is Hemy, huh?” She gives me a look of approval before letting out a growl and leaning over to bite Nico’s lip. “I can definitely get down with this, baby. Are you sure?”

  Nico nods while tilting back another drink of beer.

  Don’t ask me why, but Nico has this weird shit of getting off to me fucking his girls. It’s like it turns him on to know that I’ve been inside them. It could always be that he just enjoys the show. Either way, I’m not complaining.

  I slide one hand up her skirt to grip her tight little ass while running my lips up her neck. “You want me to take you upstairs and fuck you? I bet you’re already wet for me.” She nods her head and plays with the top button of my shirt while biting her lip with need. “Has Nico told you the filthy things I do, because I’m not one to take it easy? Once I’m inside you, it’s deep and hard. There’s no in between, sweetheart.”

  She reaches up to grip my hair as Nico pushes behind her with his body and wraps one of her legs around my waist. He grips her thigh and bites her neck. The way that he’s grinding his hips is causing her pussy to rub against my erection, which makes me want to fuck right here in this crowded room; it wouldn’t be the first time. “This is so hot right now,” she breathes. “I’m ready for this.” She lets out a satisfied moan and leans her head back and turns it to the side so that Nico can crush his lips against hers.

  Ignoring everyone around us, I lace my hand in the back of her hair and run my tongue over her neck as she grinds into me while kissing Nico. I pull away from her neck and run my tongue over my bottom lip. “Are you sure you can handle me giving your girl a good fuck, Nico? I have some pent up shit to get out. I’m not playing it fucking nice tonight.”

  “Mmm.” He releases the lock their lips have been in, and nods his head. Grasping the top of her head, he pulls downward, revealing her neck closer to his lips for access. “I need this shit tonight. We both want it and you know damn well that you do too,” he says with a cocked eyebrow. “Don’t back out on me, Hemy.”

  I smirk as Nico runs his tongue along her jugular and steps back, pushing his hair out of his face. “You know I’m down. Just giving your ass a warning.”

  With force, I grip Peyton’s thighs and pick her up to wrap her legs around my hips. Immediately, she locks them around my waist. The lust in her eyes is thick. No matter the girl, they all have a wild side waiting to be released.

  I turn back to Nico while gripping Peyton’s ass and sliding one hand under her short dress. There is nothing but a thin string between her pussy and my fingers. I can feel her wetness coating me as she moves back and forth, swaying her hips against me. “You ready to watch Peyton’s pretty little pussy get fucked?”

  Nico watches me as I push my way through the crowd with his girl plastered to my front. He usually gives me time alone first before he joins in. It’s a little routine that he has developed since we started this.

  Sucking on Peyton’s bottom lip I make my way up the stairs and to the nearest empty room. Turning the knob with my free hand I push the door open with my knee and toss her down onto the bed in front of us.

  With her hands gripping the blanket, she spreads out on her back, her eyes locked with mine. Her breathing is out of control with need. “I’ve never done anything like this before.” She runs her tongue over her lips and backs up against the headboard. “I want to. I do. I’m a little nervous though.”

  Yanking my shirt over my head I walk over to the foot of the bed and grip her thighs while crawling onto the bed above her. Her eyes widen as they take in my build. “Don’t be nervous. I want to fuck you and he wants to see it. There’s no shame in that.” Gripping her thighs tighter, I spread her legs wide for me and pull her up to meet my hips with a smirk. “I hope you like it long and deep, because that’s all I can give you.”

  Before she can respond I have her dress above her head, ripping it away from her body. My eyes trail over her toned form, admiring it for a moment. “Damn, girl.” I pull her up, so that she’s straddling my lap as I grind my cock against her swollen clit. Her underwear are already moist, just the way I expect them to be.

  Her hands reach out to grip my hair as she rocks back and forth, enjoying the feel of my body against hers. “You’re so sexy,” she whispers. “I can see why Nico gets off to this shit. It’s a little different, but it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever done.”

  Sitting up on my knees, I arch her back and run my lips over her stomach, stopping at her breasts. “Oh yeah? You like this?” Reaching behind her with one hand, I grip the thin fabric of her bra and rip it open. Her eyes watch me with need as I run my other hand up her stomach before pushing her bra out of the way.

  My lips come down to meet her right nipple, gently at first, before I tug on it with my teeth. They are puckered, revealing just how turned on she is. A moan escapes her lips as she rocks her hips into me again, causing me to run my tongue over her soft flesh and growl. “Hemy,” she breathes, “I want your cock inside me.”

  I strain my eyes to look up at her, but keep her nipple in my mouth, sucking the pebble gently and then hard, as I slide my hand down the front of her thong. I glide my finger up and down her wetness before burying it deep inside her tight little pussy.

  Her breathing picks up as her hands dive into my long hair, tugging and tangling with deep pants. “Oohhh, that feels so good. Don’t stop.” Her eyes close as I run my tongue along her smooth body, moving from one breast to the other, all while working my finger deep inside her. I can feel her wetness start to drip down my hand as her body starts to shake in my arms.

  “Not yet,” I demand. “Save it for Nico.” I slow my movement, knowing that at any second Nico will be arriving. She’s too preoccupied to take notice, but I hear the footsteps down the hallway getting closer with each passing second. I want him to watch her come under my touch. It’s pleasurable for all of us. He likes being the audience and I like being the actor; she gets a good fuck out of it. Everyone wins.

  I tilt my head to the side and smirk as Nico steps into the room. Perfect timing. Grinding my hard cock underneath her body, I shove another finger inside her and start fucking her hard and fast while biting on her nipple.

  “Shit! Oh fuck! That’s it, right there . . . . yeah.” Her screams come out with a moan as her orgasm takes over, her body clenching my fingers upon her release. “Hemy,” she breathes. “Don’t stop. I need more.” I always did favor a vocal woman in the bedroom, one that tells me exactly what she wants.

  I grab her face and turn it to face Nico. Her breathing picks up as he leans against the door watching us. She’s starting to feel the high that Nico gets a rush on. It’s easier to digest when you realize it’s no different
than watching a porno, only in real life. Then it doesn’t seem so twisted to the outside looking in.

  “Take a seat, Nico.” I run my tongue up Peyton’s lips while pulling my finger out of her pussy. “Things are just heating up. I hope you’re ready.”

  Without waiting for a response I grip her panties in my hands and quickly pull them down her slender legs. I toss them toward Nico and see them land on the arm of the chair he is now sitting in.

  Peyton takes turns looking between me and Nico while breathing heavily. She wants to be sure he’s watching, silently awaiting his approval to continue. The thought of knowing he’s there turns her on. It turns me on.

  Standing up from the bed, I pull her by her ankles, aligning her ass with the edge of the bed. I grab both of Peyton’s hands and place them on my belt as she sits up. “Take it off. Everything.”

  Her hands work fast to undo my belt before she goes for my button and zipper. Within five seconds, my jeans are being pushed down my thighs and I’m quickly kicking them out of the way.

  “Have you ever had a pierced cock inside of you before?” She shakes her head as her eyes look downward toward my erection. “Good. Take my briefs off, Peyton. Show Nico how hard I am for you.”

  She glances over at Nico before biting her bottom lip and slowly pulling my briefs down. My cock springs free from the material, getting a small gasp from Peyton. I can’t tell if she’s excited or terrified by its size, not to mention the two steel bars pierced through it. This girl is in for something she never saw coming.

  “You like my cock, Peyton?” She nods her head. “Taste it. Rub your sweet little tongue over it. Bite it, suck it, and make it yours.” I tangle my fingers into the back of her hair while pushing her head down to my cock. The thought of her boyfriend watching her take in my thick cock only makes me harder; making me want to fuck her mouth even faster and deeper.

  Her tongue darts out to swirl around the head of my cock before she suctions the top of it into her mouth. She has to open her mouth extra wide to take in its thickness.